Is your partner not telling you the truth?

Filed in archive Inner Health on September 9, 2007

One day I asked my husband to tell me the truth. The real truth and nothing but the truth.

He said he would so I asked him: Do you think I´m chubby or fat?
No he said. I reminded him again that I wanted him to tell me the absolute truth. He said no in a very sincere voice that made me believe he was telling me the truth.

And I felt so good afterwards. It was as if those few kilos that I want to lose fell off immediately. I felt light and I felt "my husband likes me just like this". And that was so great.

Of course this only lasted a few days and once again I´m back into thinking that maybe I need to lose some weight after all. Well the weight is only annoying me and no one else.

And I know that I am not alone thinking like this. Women constantly ask their partners if they think they are fat or ugly. And usually the men say no and we try to believe them for a few days until we once again ask "do you really think I am beautiful/thin/good looking etc?".
Our men not wanting to hurt our feelings or want us to be quiet says yes/no.



But is the problem our partners or is it us?

Who is to judge or tell if we are beautiful, fat or ugly? It is amazing how important this reassurance is for women. When was the last time you heard your male partner ask you if he is getting chubby or if you think he is good looking?
I have never heard my husband ask this or any other male friend either. Because they just don't seem to care. And we should learn from that.

The answer we want to hear might not always be the right answer, the truth. I know my husband loves me and I could feel that he was honest but there have been times he has told me a yes or no just because he knows I want to hear it.

The real answer if you are beautiful, fat or thin lies within you.
If we accept ourselves and feel beautiful knowing we are a bit chubby or need to lose 40kilos life gets so much easier. A woman who feels good about herself will spread that energy and feeling to others and any thoughts about that person being fat or ugly is forgotten as the personality shines through.

We will always continue to ask our partners for their opinions but in the end what matters is what we think.